A little bit of fun
by Laili the Turk
Summary: Rufus's assistant aka the authoress of this story steals his pen and is going around stealing everyone else's stuff. What do the Turks do in order to capture her?
1. First Victim

Well... hi again it's me Laili. I'm suffering writers block for ALL of my fanfics... and i've been busy with an art show (looked like i only went for the food) and just got back from prom last night... and went out after cowboy bebop was over.

So... this has been sitting in my computer for about 4 months and deided to put this up to keep my fans busy. So Rufus-sama...Disclaimer!

Rufus: Laili does not own any of the following except for the ninja squirrels not present in this fic.

This is my next Turk Humor story... so i'll try and update on my other fic soon... hopefully...

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A little bit of fun…

Chapter One: First Victim…

Six A.M. Midgar, Shinra Headquarters…

Rufus looked at the President's chair. They finally cleaned the building from Sephiroth's mess and Rufus was now Pre-Sid-DENT!

He saw the chair and smiled. He then walked over and sat in it. Something didn't feel right about this…

It was stiff and there were two things jabbing into his back. He sat up and looked to see… his dad had one of those built in massagers in his chair…

Rufus smiled as he sat down and found the keypad under the leather arm rest (it was a lid) and turned it on. He sighed happily as he was getting a much needed back massage. Now he knew why his father would be in a happy mood in this chair.

To top it off, Rufus hired a new assistant (Me!). She had short brown hair and blue eyes and today was in a maroon blouse and blue jeans with tan boots. She was excellent on the computer and many more things including video games… and her name was Laili.

Speaking of computers…

Rufus rolled over and programmed the massager for lower back as he went through the computer, cleaning off what was his father's and oy.. It had viruses…

He sighed as he turned on the virus killer on the computer, sat back and adjusted the massager to 'really good'. He sat back, sighed, kicked his feet up on the desk and put his hands behind his head.

"Mr. President?" Laili knocked on the door, holding a cup of coffee.

"Yes?" Rufus smiled.

"I have your coffee here sir." Laili walked in and placed it where he can reach it. "Costa Roast, two sugars and a shot of cream?"

"Indeed, the way coffee should be." Rufus picked it up with his eyes closed and sipped on it. "And you made it perfectly."

"Thank you sir." Laili nodded then was wondering what the hell was wrong with him. "Sir? What are you doing?"

"Getting a back massage and cleaning viruses off this thing drinking coffee." Rufus pointed to the computer and sipped his coffee again. Laili just shrugged.

"Shout if you need anything." Laili walked out, closing the door.

Rufus nodded as he went back to the back massage. When he closed his eyes, he didn't notice that the low battery light came on.

Three hours later…

"Fucking eh!" Rufus shook the chair. "I was enjoying that!"

It had been five minutes since the battery died and he never knew. Rufus sat in the seat and stared at the computer. "Ok, time to use the recycle bin, because you're my computer now."

He began looking through the computer with a disgusted look. "Jeez dad, you go to Honey Bee's and record all this… SICK!"

Another three hours later…

Rufus was bored as he just finished clearing off what was his father's. He had seen enough porn videos on it that Rufus doesn't ever want to see again.

He sighed as he was began writing his speech for the upcoming parade in his honor in Junon.

Laili was watching him at the door. _Poor guy, busted chair, enough porn to scar him for life, now doing work which is killing him… he needs to smile…_

Than something went 'click' in her mind. _He does love that pen with his name on it on his desk… maybe…_ Laili grinned as a light bulb was turned on over her head, well, the light over his door to be exact when she flicked on the light next to her.

Laili quietly walked in and stood next to Rufus and looked over his shoulder. "Whatcha doing?"

"I'm working, what do you need?" Rufus said in a dull tone.

"I was just… uh... asking what you want for lunch." Laili placed her hand near the pen on his desk.

"And?" Rufus asked as he typed.

"And... I was asking if you have…" Laili was flicking her hands in circles, trying to think of what to say. "… Anything particular you feel like eating today."

She quickly got the pen and slowly pulled it behind her back.

"Well… I'm in a carnivore mood so maybe… I can go for some chocobo wings… can you order them mild?" Rufus asked as he stopped typing.

"Yes sir I can do that." Laili smiled, she slipped the pen in her back pocket. "Anything else?"

"Meat lover's pizza and a coke." Rufus pointed. "I'll have that too. Two slices, ten wings, and a huge glass or bottle of ICE cold cola."

"Two slices, ten wings, and ice cold cola, anything else?" Laili asked.

"One pint of cookie dough ice cream." Rufus said, back to typing his speech.

"Alrighty sir. On the way!" Laili saluted and left, grabbing the pen and hiding it in front of her and then leaning her head out the door. "Be back in an half an hour."

"Weird. She's never usually happy." Rufus printed out his speech and then turned to sign paperwork. "I just need to sign—"

His hand was tapping where he left his pen… but it wasn't there. He slowly turned his head in shock and then yelled. "LAILI!"

Laili was running and laughing down the hall. "YOU GOTTA CATCH ME IF YOU WANT YOUR PEN BACK!"

Rufus growled as he picked up the phone and call the perfect person to capture her.

Dun dun dun!

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Well... there's chapter one for you all. I came up with this in study hall and i do have a one page comic on half of this chapter.. i need to finish up the next one for the next chapter...

Little question for you... who is the second victim? Guess right and you win a chapter decated to you on your idea for my fic 'Chibified' (see my other stories under my profile)

See ya later!


	2. Second Victim

I'm BACK! I've been busy with finals and regents and my computer was getting fixed. Sadly, during that time, I had no time to fix my writers block for Chibified. I've gotten a few but I cant piece them together. If you have ideas, give me a pm.

Anywho, My Turk RPG is doing great! 20 members and 7,841 posts as this chapter is posted. I need people to RP as some ShinRa exectuives (please... I dont want to be the President anymore (not Rufus... His dad) or be Veld and Tseng at the same time! Just take Veld!) We still have some Turks open, lots of characters from the GAME, and your own characters are welcomed to join. See my profile for the link.

Another surprise was that not many people reviewed this fic... I'm working on a humor Turk drabble and I need to get 'I'm Sorry' and 'Chibified' out of writers block.

Without any a-do. Rufus! DISCLAIMER!

Rufus: Laili does not anyone or anything in this fic but the ninja squirrels who are not present in this fic.

And here is Victim#2...

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A little bit of fun…

Chapter 2: Second Victim…

Tseng was out like a light on the couch. He just got back from a mission that took all night being awake. He had gotten back just three hours ago and slept on his couch. He had told his secretary to tell anyone who calls that he'll call back later.

He had his head in a pillow, and another on his head to block out the noise, his shoes kicked off on the floor and in a pile, his uniform was a mess and was wrapped up in a small blanket with a Wutaiian dragon on it.

He was smiling under the pillow. Having dreams on being on a much needed vacation with no paperwork, phone calls, Reno, headaches… the works.

Then the phone rang…

Tseng rolled in his sleep. "No... don't leave…" Tseng muttered and sat up. He looked at his desk as the phone rang. He then got up, forgetting that he had no shoes and cursed that his secretary skipped a call.

Tseng then picked up the phone, yawning. "Hello?"

It was Rufus.

"What! Your pen? Sir you can just use another—OK OK! Don't yell at me!" Tseng was now yelling on the phone. "Ok. Capture her and bring back your pen… for a reward? Uh-huh, ok, I know what to do."

Tseng slammed the phone down and put his shoes on, cursing that Rufus wants him to get his pen back.

Tseng left his office, walked down the hall and into the lounge…

The blinds were down and the lights were out. The only light was coming from the TV. Reno was on the couch, stuffing his mouth with his third bag of popcorn. Elena was in the middle with a pillow in her arms, feet on the couch. Rude was at the end of the couch crying…

"Oh, Robby… I have to go…" The TV spoke. All three were watching a black and white old romance movie.

Rude was wiping his cheeks with the tissues the Elena held out to him as she was crying as well. Reno sat there in boredom, hand holding his head up.

"Don't worry Sally, I will be here waiting for you to come back."

"Can we watch some other movie?" Reno broke the silence.

"Shh!" The two Turks held their finger to the lips and went back to crying at the movie. Reno sighed as he ate a piece of popcorn. "Booooooorrringgg…."

"I promise I'll come back someday…" Sally said.

Rude let out a bawl as he cried and blew his nose. Elena was wiping the tears with her finger.

The door opened and Tseng turned on the lights. Everyone hissed like vampires and Elena covered her head with the pillow. Reno was blinking and Rude was rubbing his eyes under his sunglasses.

"Turks!" Tseng shouted.

Rude and Elena shot up and stood straight as Reno fell off the couch and then stood up and straighten himself up, sighing.

"What up man?" Reno looked at Tseng.

"You have a mission." Tseng walked in. He turned off the TV as he walked back and forth in front of the coffee table and the three Turks.

"Sir, we just got back from one." Elena said.

"I know, Rufus's pen has been stolen by his new assistant." Tseng stood up.

"Which one? He's got like fifty of them." Reno lifted his eyebrow.

"The silver one with the Shinra logo with his name inscribed on it, signs everything with that pen." Tseng shook his head.

"Can't he just use another one?" Rude said.

"I told him that and said and I quote 'fuck it, I will not use any other pen to sign paperwork'." Tseng stated.

Reno was laughing. "He said a bad word!"

"You do too Reno so shut up!" Elena punched him in the arm.

"Ow!" Reno rubbed his arm.

"Your job is the capture her and return the pen to the President, he will present a reward to the one who brings it back." Tseng stood in front of them. All three Turks smiled.

"What's the reward?" Reno asked.

"Didn't say." Tseng stroked his chin, thinking. "Well, go get the pen and return it."

"You aren't helping sir?" Elena asked as Tseng began to leave the room.

"I have work to do, calls to return, and lots to do. Let me know when you captured Laili." Tseng left the room.

All three stared at each other.

"Maybe it's a big raise!" Elena jumped for joy.

"Booze!" Reno smiled.

"Ice cream." Rude said. The other two looked at him.

"How much do we bet?" Elena asked Reno.

"If it's anything one of us said, losers have to pay a thousand gil each to the winner, if not, well, we don't pay." Reno said. "Fair enough?"

"Deal!" The two said.

"Ok! Off we go for a stupid pen." Reno pouted and grumbled as he grabbed his EMR and walked out, followed by Elena and Rude.

Laili was walking around, pen in her hand and humming a tune. She was looking around and was planning her next move.

She turned to see the elevator until it opened, revealing three Turks. She froze as they took one step and froze, staring at Laili. Laili looked back.

"So, Rufus couldn't catch me himself huh?" Laili grinned. "This just makes it more fun."

"Looks like cats and a mouse. Three against one." Reno grinned and Laili sprinted. The other three ran after her.

They were going in circles…

"Someone shoot her!" Elena yelled.

"Orders were to capture! NOT KILL!" Reno yelled as he ran. Rude just kept running.

Laili took a right and ran.

Everyone stopped.

"Hey. Idea! Rude, go after her and me and Elena will catch up by taking a shortcut around and we'll have her surrounded." Reno pointed to the hall.

"Good idea." Rude said as he ran down the hall after her. The other two ran down another hall.

Laili ran by a soda machine and skidded to a stop. She took a few steps back and she got an idea. _Reno did say that if you want in extra soda, kick the machine after hitting the button. I'll put in 20 gil and… hee hee hee…_

She reached into her pocket and got out 20 gil and put it in the machine. She hid behind it closest to the buttons and waited for Rude coming up. She noticed the dead end at the hall and snickered.

When Rude was five steps away, Laili hit a button and kicked the machine. Rude was now rolling and toppling on forty soda cans and rolled down the hall and hit the wall, knocking him out.

Laili looked behind her and then up, finding her exit in an air vent but first…

Laili reached over to Rude and carefully took off his sunglasses off his face, then reached into his pocket and took the spare one he kept out. She placed the ones that were on his face on the top of her head and the other hung on the collar of her shirt.

She then jumped up, punched open the vent and went in…

"You crackhead! There is no shortcut!" Elena shouted. "We gotta head back 'genius'."

"Ok then!" Reno shouted. "I just remembered that it was the 30th floor I was talking about, this is the 63rd!"

They ran back and down the hall that Rude and Laili ran though. They found Rude with cans, soda and into a wall knocked out. Rude was slowly getting up as they ran in, rubbing his head. "Ow…"

"Rude where's—" Reno then screamed like a girl. "RUDE YOU'RE NAKED!"

"Reno!" Rude growled as he adjusted his uniform. "I am not!"

Elena and Reno whispered something and Elena stepped up to Rude. "Rude, what color is Reno's hair?"

"It's red. Why are you asking?" Rude squinted.

"I mean with your sunglasses on…" Elena nervously bit her lip. Rude blinked and realized… they weren't on him. He reached in for the spare and it was gone too…

"SHIT!" Rude cursed. "Now she has BOTH of my sunglasses! I'm use to seeing Reno's hair being puce with my sunglasses on… sometimes purple…"

"PUCE!" Reno's jaw dropped. "Puce! You're screwed up man!" Reno turned his back and made a hand motion like lifting his hair and adjusting it like a model.

"Wait… where did she get out?" Elena asked. Rude was looking up and pointed up.

"She's in the vents." Rude said. "Who's going after while the other two search floors?"

"Uh… rock, paper, scissors." Elena held one hand out. Reno and Rude did the same. "Winner has to go. Two on two, Reno, against me."

The two shook. Elena paper. Reno scissors.

"Ok, against Rude." Elena said. The two men shook their fists.

Reno paper. Rude rock.

"Reno, you go." Rude smiled.

"WHY IS IT PAPER IS DEFEATED BY ROCK!" Reno yelled.

"Because we can roll it up in a rock, throw it at you and you think it was just paper!" Rude shouted. "Now get up there before I shove you up there!"

"Besides, you know the vents more then us. Remember April Fools?" Elena crossed her arms.

"Elena! Zip it before I come over there and do something bad to you!" Reno shouted. "Remember that 'important' meeting I came just in time for. I took the vents because the elevator was busted and I hate stairs!"

"Reno!" Rude shouted at his friend.

Reno sighed as Rude got two hands ready and kneeled down a bit. Reno took a step on Rude's hands and Rude pushed him up into the vent and Reno crawled through.

"Great… the President's pen, your sunglasses, what's next?" Elena sighed as she and Rude went down the hall.

"Guys!" Reno shouted. The two turned to the vent. "She's heading for Tseng's office!"

"Oh no…" Rude said and the two ran for the elevator.

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Well... everyone who guessed didnt get it. Since I mentioned who the next one is... no cookie for guessing right... but chapter 4, is a surprise...

Please REVIEW! I 3 reviews from you!

Rufus: She's not okay people. Dont mind her...

Shut it pretty boy... I own you! Well... Not really...


	3. Third Victim

And this is Chapter 3... the funniest of them all... hey, still need people for Turk RPG, its free, go to my profile for link, check it out.

Rufus: While she's doing that, Laili does not own anything in this chapter other than herself.

And here's victim #3

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A little bit of fun…

Chapter 3: Third Victim…

Rude and Elena walked down the hall to Tseng's office. His door was in sight and then Reno fell from the vent, taking the vent cover with him and landed in front of Rude and Elena's shoes.

"Yo!" Reno saluted and got up. "There's a vent under Tseng's desk. She's coming out from there."

"What do we do with Tseng?" Elena asked.

"Don't know…" Reno said. "I'll piss him off so that I run and distract him. You two get her and whistle when you get her."

They all nodded and opened the door. Tseng had his back to them as he was talking on the phone. The three watched and Elena poked Reno and Rude and pointed to Tseng's desk.

There was a hand…

Laili sat under his desk with her hand taping for an object to grab. Tseng was still talking on the phone. Her hand tapped around until it landed on Tseng's cell phone.

Everyone bit their lips. If Tseng's phone goes missing... he'll be pissed…

Her hand snapped under the desk and Tseng then turned around and hung up on the phone and looked to see the three at his door.

"What are you three doing? Did you capture her?"

"Uhh… we were asking if you seen her?" Elena lied. Tseng was tapping his fingers on his desk and was looking at them.

"No. If I did, I'd capture her myself. Now if you excuse me… I need to add minutes to my… cell…" Tseng looked to see that his phone was missing. "Where's my phone?"

"She has it sir." Rude said. "When you were on the phone."

Tseng looked like he was going to burst. "THAT'S IT!"

He reached under his desk and pulled out a rifle. He cocked it and grabbed a tranquilizer bullet from under his desk. "HAS SHE TAKEN ANYTHING ELSE?"

Elena and Reno pointed to Rude.

"Sunglasses. Both of them." Elena said. Rude nodded with a sad face.

"We need to take her down now!" Tseng shouted and walked out of the room.

"How sir?" Elena asked.

"You three are to bring her into the training room. And I'll tranquilize her." Tseng pointed to the gun. "I'm getting in position. Get her out from wherever she is and lure her there."

"Okie dokie boss man!" Reno saluted and turned around. "Rude, get me in a vent!"

"Vents?" Tseng raised an eyebrow, rifle on his shoulder.

"She went under your desk through the vent and took your phone sir." Elena nervously smiled. "We didn't want to disturb your call, thought it was important."

"Actually, it was my mother." Tseng began walking down the hall. "Needed to wish her a happy birthday."

"Oh." Elena looked shocked. "Well. Happy birthday to your mother."

"And I needed to talk to my father about something." Tseng sighed as he went into the elevator. "Anyways. Lure her to the training room. I'll in position."

"Alright sir." Rude nodded.

Laili was crawling through the vents, trying to get away from Reno, who was trying to catch up.

"Yo! Get out of the vents and maybe we can talk something out!" Reno shouted.

"No way!" Laili shouted back as she took a drop to the 54th floor.

Reno froze at the top of the vent, staring down at Laili and an idea came to mind. "You know, there's something you can take from Elena in the training room."

Laili froze and looked up at Reno. "Well… I don't know what to take from her."

Reno grinned. "Her fire materia on her materia bracelet. Or just the whole thing consisting of fire, confusion, HP plus, and… she had another… oh, and break."

"Really?" Laili put her hands on her hips and smiled. "Where do I go for that?"

"The training room." Reno smiled. "You know something, you're cute. Wanna go on a date after this?"

"No." Laili dropped out of the vent and onto the floor.

Reno cursed and grabbed his cell and dialed a number, calling Rude. "Yo, get Elena to the training room. She's the bait."

At Rude and Elena's position…

"What!" Rude snapped on the phone. Elena looked at him like there was a problem. "Ok. Fine! We're going!"

Rude hung up and grabbed Elena by the arm. "Come on Elena!"

"What's wrong?" Elena asked.

"You're the bait. He was able to talk her into stealing something from you in the training room." Rude growled. "And tried to hitch a date with her."

"I'm what!" Elena shouted.

"He said it was the only way!" Rude then stopped, threw Elena over his shoulder and got into the training room.

Tseng was seated on top of a vent near the ceiling in a dark corner, rifle was in his arms. He looked to see Elena on Rude's shoulder. Rude dropped her and told her to stay here and left.

"Elena?" Tseng looked at her. "Where's Laili?"

"I'm the bait!" Elena shouted in anger. "Reno talked to her that I'm in the training room and she can steal something from me. As for Rude… I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING!"

Tseng raised an eyebrow. "Well, at least she's coming here. Try and look busy for the next little while!"

Elena sighed and grabbed a rifle off the wall and a polishing rag. She then sat on a bench and cleaned it.

Reno popped his head out from the vent cover under Tseng. "Yo. Elena here?"

"Yes. Do you know what Rude is doing?" Tseng glared at him.

"He's hiding behind the door and when she walks in. He's going to closed it and lock and barricade it." Reno grinned. "This is the best plan I've had yet, gimme some credit in that!"

"Fine." Tseng sighed.

Reno grinned as he watched Elena. "Yo! Elena!"

"What Reno!" Elena snapped.

"From up here, I can see cleavage!" Reno grinned. Elena frowned at him.

"Sir?" Elena raised an eyebrow with a smile. Tseng punched Reno on top of his head.

"Reno! Stop sexually harassing Elena!" Tseng yelled.

"Thank you sir." Elena smiled as she polished the gun.

"You're welcome Elena." Tseng smiled back. Reno pouted as he put his hand on his chin, holding his head up making funny faces of Tseng talking.

Elena turned her head. "Here she comes."

Laili walked in and the door was shut behind her quietly. Rude then on the other side moved a desk in front of it and sat on it.

Reno smiled as he was out of sight. Tseng took aim.

"Hey Elena!" Laili smiled.

"Oh. Hi." Elena smiled back as she cleaned the gun.

"Whatcha doing?" Laili asked, hands behind her back.

"Cleaning a gun. I'm done chasing you around." Elena continued to clean the gun. "Have you seen Tseng today?"

"No… I was looking for him if he wanted some pizza and wings with Rufus." Laili shrugged. "His secretary said he went here with a rifle not too long ago."

Tseng cursed and mentally noted to fire his secretary.

Elena bit her lip. "Well… he hasn't come here yet too… too… help me with shooting!"

Tseng mentally noted to not fire the secretary, but give Elena a raise.

"Really?" Laili asked. She was now walking in circles around her.

"Yes. He was going to give me some tips on using rifles… need more practice in those." Elena nervously chuckled.

"Uh-huh." Laili looked around. "Seen Reno or Rude?"

"Nope."

"The why do I see red hair in the vent over there and Tseng with a rifle." Laili pointed to them and ran. She tried to open the door but it was locked. Tseng tried to aim for her but Elena got in the way in order to grab her and accidentally shot Elena. Laili then hopped into a vent above.

"Reno!" Tseng shouted.

"I'm on it!" Reno was yelling in the vents. Tseng hopped down on crates and boxes and to Elena's aid cursing.

Rude sat outside waiting…

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Well that was good.

Rufus: Indeed.

Tseng: WHY MY PHONE!

I cant steal your dot of your head, or your hair.

Tseng::mutters bad words:

Rufus: Before the killing spree starts, send some reviews, Laili likes reviews.


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